Hunger, headaches and halitosis

Day 7 and 109 kilos

Day 8 and 108 kilos (neither measurement was taken on the Ikea scales)

The chief and I came up to Kuala Lumpur on Saturday morning to spend a long weekend at her mother’s house. For the first time I can report that finally the killer hunger pangs of the last two days have gone. Nonetheless I still think about food even more often than a fifteen-year boy thinks about sex. I seem to have some food hormones rampaging through me and I cannot help but fantasize about the breakfasts that I will have in the future. For some reason I dream of proteins more than anything else so apart from the traditional eggs, bacon and Cumberland sausage, I’m fantasizing about “devilled” kidneys after they were mentioned in a Sherlock Holmes adventure that I am re-reading. Just to be clear – I have never had devilled kidneys, I don’t know what they look like and nor do I have any idea of what they might taste like or even what’s in them (apart from kidneys and that’s just an assumption). Perhaps devilled kidneys are a euphemism for something really nasty in the same way that the term sweetbreads (in the UK) or Prairie Oysters (in the USA) are used instead of testicles. Maybe it’s something even worse like Bombay duck! God only knows what that is but I have the feeling that Indian restaurants around the world are playing a joke on their customers. Even in this state the thought of it makes me heave. Anyway I seem to have wandered off topic so just to be clear – no hunger pangs, constant food fantasies but feeling very good both physically and mentally and the anguish of day 5 and 6 is at last at an end. Oh – and I’d like to try devilled kidneys when I’m eating again.

Continuing the theme of feeling very good, my headaches have completely gone and the chief says that I am grumbling a lot less. My energy levels are good, my mind is clear, my cigarette wheeze has gone, my skin is clear – I’m cruising now (not in the way George Michael cruises) and all is well in the world apart from one thing – I have the breath of death.

When I awoke yesterday I turned to my wife to chat and within a second of my mouth being opened she recoiled and screamed as though I had punched her in the nose. Clearly this was something a little more advanced than my normally hideous morning breath. I have already described the constant and unpleasant chemical taste in my mouth but now it has moved into the top spot of less pleasant things that are currently happening to me. I chew gum regularly throughout the day to negate the taste but within 15 minutes of getting rid of the gum, the taste comes back. I am being careful about brushing my teeth but clearly this foul taste is part of the process. I have read somewhere that it is because I am expelling toxins but I’ll read up overnight to get a clearer picture of what is happening and why.

Generally though things are great.