As distasteful as the subject is, I think it only fair to warn my readers that today's post will be discussing bowel movements in some detail so if this topic is one that might offend you then please stop reading now.
Despite the tedium of yesterday's post for which I apologise but which I also felt was relevant and required, I'm quickly going to make mention of all the things that I am putting into my body.
1000 mg tablet of micronutrients containing too many things to write. Once a day.
1200 mg capsule of Omega 3. Three times a day.
1000 mg tablet of glucosamine. three times a day.
A colon cleanser liquid mixed in an 8 ounce tumbler half and half with water. Three times a day for two days over the weekend.
Between 2 and 4 nurofen tablets for the first 5 days of the fast.
I chew 4 or 5 pieces of sugar free gum per day.
About 4 litres of water per day - this has decreased from the 6 litres that I drank for the first five days.
By midday yesterday, I had not put anything other than the things outlined above into my body - that's 206 hours, give or take, without eating. So it came as something of a shock to realise that nature had not just popped round for a social call but basically kicked in the front door and started ransacking my goods and chattels. Expediency was my cry and I sprinted upstairs to the loo, loosening belt, button and zip as I went. I managed to position myself comfortably and awaited the impending fury of what I presumed was diarrhea (the assumption being based upon the rolling thunder that had announced nature's visit). Oh how I wish it had been diarrhea - that frankly would have been a joy compared to what actually happened.
Above you will see pictured a twelve ounce highball glass with my pen affixed to the rim to give you a sense of scale. It's a big glass. Now imagine that instead of the beautiful smooth crystal surface there is coarse grade sandpaper. Now you have an idea of the size and texture of the stool that I took half an hour to pass yesterday. That's right - thirty minutes of eye watering agony. There was blood everywhere - I now know how both Salander and Bjurmann felt in "The girl with the dragon tattoo".
Afterwards there was much washing, cleansing and polishing followed by the application of ointments and a long "face down" rest with the air conditioning aimed at my most tender parts.
What I want to know is where the hell did this thing come from? If that was the "colon cleanser" which is the only thing that I can imagine it could have been then let me give you some very good advice - just say "NO".
Clearly I wasn't thinking very straight because at 4pm I then decided to go for a bike ride. A 50 minute bike ride - that was a major mistake! I didn't realise it until the halfway mark when the pain really began to hit me. The last half of the ride was done standing on the pedals. So unlike my first bike ride where I didn't sweat at all - by the time I got back home this time I was sweating like a captured rapist and absolutely exhausted.
Perhaps, as it did to my beloved wife, this story will reduce to tears of laughter but I can assure it was a very, very long way from funny.
Delighted to hear about your toileting and I did have the same reaction as A! By the way the headaches could possibly have happened because you have stopped your caffeine intake. The same thing happened to me when I stopped drinking tea, I had what felt like a migraine for a week. lol cede
ReplyDeleteWell, I hear nothing from you for ages and then get invited to read your blog about your bowel movements!!! As my halal friends would say, Alamak!
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